woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
