I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
