We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
