the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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