The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize