I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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