just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
