Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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