what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize