a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
