you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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