I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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