I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
