the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
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my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying