I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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