watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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