He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
