oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
