every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
