...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
