I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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