You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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