ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
