Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
