did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
