so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
