Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
