"it" just moved
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
