he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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