I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
