I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
