Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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