Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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