Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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