it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
