so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
