I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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