God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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