dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
