I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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