i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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