Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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