He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I could fuck to npr.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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