I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize