I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
