I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
