Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I love having hate sex.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
