Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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