it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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