i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
