I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am spending my child support on dildos
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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