Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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