I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need to calm my uterus...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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