3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sext me about skeletons
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
