Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just tell him i said nine months
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
