God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
