I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
