These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
