forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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