went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
