I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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