So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
