the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
