If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
