After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
