Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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